Nobody has ever accused me of being a patient person. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. So much so that my self-written wedding vows to my husband discussed that one of the reasons I feel we are perfectly suited for one another is because he is as patient as I am impatient. For instance, if I text and/or email someone I generally find it maddening if they don’t respond within approximately 2 minutes, while he just laughs at me. (I’m attached to my computer and phone at all times – how is it possible that others aren’t?! And yes, I know this borders on crazy.)
This is to say I’m not the most obvious candidate for letting the sex of our baby remain a surprise, but long before we were ever expecting a child I knew this was one time where patience would win out and our baby’s sex would remain a secret until birth.
I’m finding that impending motherhood has opened the flood gates of opinion and people aren’t afraid to tell me how I should be raising my unborn child, and those oftentimes strong opinions frequently extend to expressing disbelief that we are not finding out the sex of the baby. I was at a party recently where a woman I didn’t know told me she thought I was absolutely crazy for not finding out and I honestly didn’t know how to respond. “Thanks” seemed inappropriately hostile, so I just ended the conversation entirely with a small smile and continued mental side eye to this day.
Now that I’m finally starting to show, I’m sure I will be asked this question more and more, so I thought I’d share a few reasons we aren’t finding out the sex of our baby and perhaps when I get tired of responding to people I’ll just direct them to this blog post.
There are only 2 options
If there were, say, 100 possibilities for what our baby could be then perhaps I’d like to narrow the field by half. However, we know we are having one baby and I feel confident that baby will either be male or female.
But… how will you know what to buy?
As you all know, I’m fond of the colors gray, black and white and while I haven’t purchased much stuff for the baby, everything I intend to purchase fits into that color scheme. The days I dress the baby it will likely be wearing one of these three colors (plus some cute non-sensical shoes). On the days my husband dresses the baby it will likely be wearing something from the University of Michigan. Shopping and staying within budget is surprisingly easy at this point and should remain so for awhile because stores aren’t really overindulging in baby clothing in my color preferences.
Emphasis: No pink or blue
I told someone that I didn’t want to receive a bunch of pink or blue stuff and their response was, “that’s weird.” I’m not one to start gender stereotype arguments, but even if I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl I’d probably still stick with my love of black, gray and white. You can totally call me a horrible mom-to-be if you want, but I’m pretty certain that for the first couple of years I get to choose all of their clothes and my baby will probably earn a reputation for looking like a goth hipster. I’m just not interested in dressing a girl in frilly dresses and hair bows or a boy in clothes covered in footballs and trucks. (Not that there is anything at all wrong with those options – they’re just not my personal preference. I have no doubt that my kid will start rebelling soon enough and choose to wear the clothing that I wouldn’t dress him/her in as a baby and I plan to fully embrace his/her sense of style at that point.)
The Name Game
Some people need to know the sex of their child to help narrow down their list of baby names. My husband and I have had our baby names picked out for at least two years now, and I actually picked out the girl’s name when I was in high school. (It only took 7 years to bring my husband on board… J/K. He liked the name immediately!) Honestly, knowing the sex of the baby would probably make me second guess myself and I’d start suggesting more and more names, each one a little more insane than the last. I have been unsuccessfully trying to petition my husband to consider the name “Colt” for a boy ever since Colt McCoy was the quarterback for the University of Texas because it’s only the coolest name ever, but he’s pretty insistent that name is a no-go. As he says, “I don’t want people thinking I’m secretly a Texas fan. Go Blue!” If I knew we were having a boy I’d probably really amp up the pressure and/or try to figure out a way to fill in the birth certificate with my favorite name ahead of time.
It’ll make the labor doubly worth the effort, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself
I don’t know how this baby is going to emerge from my body (I’m a pragmatist and my only goal is that the baby does emerge and hopefully in a timely fashion), but there is no doubt in my mind that what’s going to get me through the labor process is not just finally meeting this kid, but finally learning after approximately 40 weeks whether it’s a boy or a girl. Will we be meeting _______ or _______? I can’t wait to find out and it almost makes me look forward to going into labor. Almost.
You just never know…
When I was growing up I heard many times about how my mom had gone in for a sonogram, learned she was having a boy, promptly named me “John” after her dad and brother and was then surprised by me on my birthday. Granted, I’m assuming ultrasound technology has advanced quite a bit since 1981 but the fact that this happened to me would forever be on my mind. If I knew the sex of the baby and someone asked what I was having I’d probably respond, “Well, they say it’s a boy. But it could still be a girl,” which would get me even more side eye than saying I don’t need to know does currently.
Honestly, I just don’t care
I hope to have a healthy baby. I hope to have a curious baby. I really hope to have a baby who enjoys sleeping from day one. (Ha!) There are many things I hope and wish for this baby, but I honestly just don’t care whether that baby is a boy or a girl. I don’t have a feeling one way or another and I’m not dwelling on it. The only thing I know is that this kid – boy or girl – is going to change our lives this February (please, please, baby, don’t delay your birth until March) and we can’t wait to meet and get to know him or her whenever he/she decides to enter this world!
Please note: I think it’s awesome if you find out the sex of your baby. I also think it’s awesome if you don’t. Whether you find out or not, own it and try not to call people who do the opposite “crazy’ to their faces.